The discussion keeps coming up amongst friends and colleagues. Seems we all have variant opinions on the topic so I wanted to share with you all and get your thoughts back.
For as long as I can remember (high school lets say) I have never been a fan of women or men talking about their attractions to other women or men in front of their significant others. For instance…Suzy and John are married. They are at a party with friends. A single girlfriend of Suzy says “oh my God that new doctor on Grey’s Anatomy is so hot.” Suzy chimes in “Oh yeah he’s like so sexy, he’s the reason I watch.” And there’s John just standing there looking like an idiot because he’s not some famous actor playing a hot doctor on TV. Instantly I feel bad for poor John.
My personal opinion, that’s Suzy’s bad. Talking about another persons good looks, famous or not, in front of the person you love is hurtful. My husband agrees with me here. Except, he believes that we are different because we are in the public eye. He says that comparing ourselves to actors, musicians and stuff is too close to home because we are all in the same category and have the potential to meet and work with one another. I agree with that, and we don’t do it in our family. But, I think that rule should apply to everyone! Joking or not I see it as hurtful to someone else. My husband feels that if you aren’t in the public eye then there’s nothing wrong with fancying a celebrity in front of your significant other because you’ll never actually have an encounter with that celebrity. As far as I’m concerned…lust is lust and it doesn’t belong in a relationship unless you’re lusting for your mate.
Now, if you’re single, I don’t care. I’m just keeping in mind the feelings of others. Can I be honest? I was in a very young relationship where this was ok. I let him do it and I would do it too, but out of spite. Truly and deep down I hated being compared to this model and that actress. Seemed like they always won. Every time it happened I was reminded of what about me wasn’t good enough for him. Needless to say, I became interested in expanding my horizons and got the heck outta that mess.
My friend Zack Ryder agrees with me 100% (which is shocking, we rarely agree on anything). He believes it’s disrespectful to do this sort of thing and pretty blatant. There’s no reason to voice this opinion to a significant other unless you’re trying to make a point of some sort. Why not voice these feelings when you’re amongst your girlfriends or guy friends? And by the way, goody two-shoes over here will never be caught doing this with friends. I just smile and laugh and let them say their piece. Ask my girl friends away. They’ll tell you! Except I don’t do this because I’m a goody two-shoes. I do it because I’m grateful and thankful for the husband that I have. I’m lucky that I’ve been blessed with him and I’m just not into anything else. That doesn’t mean I don’t think anyone else in this world is attractive. I’m just not into them. I’ve only got eyes for him. Hopefully that makes some kind of sense 💁🏽
Now my friend Jason Ayers says there’s an exception. If it’s done in a way that is like appreciating art…example wife says “wow she is so beautiful” and husband agrees. That’s more appreciation. I feel I can agree with him there. I’ve pointed out some pretty models to my husband on Instagram but he never responds. Doubt he’s paying attention anyway! He’s just not an Instagram guy.
And what about social media? What are the rules there? Well, I do know that social media can be a big relationship problem. So I am pretty confident that it doesn’t help a relationship’s strength if you go online and see your guy or gal posting flirtatious comments on other peoples pictures. 👀 That’s just me though. I’m sure that some will argue that some relationships are very open and that it’s totally ok. For those exceptions to the rule more power to you. I just have a hard time believing that it’s not hurtful in some kind of way. If it’s not though and you truly believe that…then go on about your business!
Most of the men I’ve spoken to say they don’t really care what their wives or girlfriends say about other men, however, they are all entertainers, so maybe that’s the ego speaking. Who knows? I feel like as women we owe the same courtesy to our men that they grant to us. If your man doesn’t do it, I feel like you shouldn’t. If it would bother you, I feel like you shouldn’t assume it doesn’t bother him just because he doesn’t do it or hasn’t voiced if it does or does not. And lastly, compliment each other. Spouses should always compliment each other. No ones getting any younger in life, so the daily compliment goes a long way. “You’re beautiful” or “you’re handsome” can’t ever be a bad thing to say to the one you love!
I’d like to open up for discussion amongst my savvy readers. Maybe me thoughts are a bit antiquated, but it works for my marriage 💁🏽 Go ahead and leave me a comment on your thoughts. You guys always have good perspectives. In this blog I’ve tried to respect the opinions of all…so be mindful of that in your comments! This blog breeds respect! ✌️